Adventures on AOL

lickahottie Hi

justapix3l Hi

lickahottie Wanna chat?

justapix3l I’m not sure. Are you going to break my heart?

lickahottie I won’t, promise

justapix3l Your promises are as empty as your cold cavernous heart, she devil!!!

lickahottie wtf?

justapix3l sorry. btw, who are you?

(pause)

lickahottie I’m horny and home alone

justapix3l I’m justaPix3l and unemployed

lickahottie hmmmmm, that’s ok

justapix3l my mom says it isnt. She wants me out!

lickahottie you live with your mom?

justapix3l WHAT??? YOUR SHIT DON’t STINK?!??!

(long pause)

lickahottie so do you want to chat or not?

justapix3l yes, lets chat

lickahottie I’m 5′6. 115lbs. I have on a small tshirt and panties on. how about you?

justapix3l nah, I don’t look good in panties.

lickahottie ?????

justapix3l I’m actually completely naked in leopard bodypaint

lickahottie really?

justapix3l yes

lickahottie mmmmmmmmmmmm

lickahottie that turns me on

lickahottie so what do you like to do?

justapix3l I like to sit at my computer naked and log onto Happy Days message boards and daydream about the Fonz.

lickahottie that’s a little wierd.

justapix3l that’s what my imaginary friend said, right before I slit his throat and bled him like a pig.

lickahottie why are you acting wierd?

justapix3l Wierd is a relative term. While smearing your body with cream cheese and having the dog lick it off may sound wierd to you, it’s just Friday night for me.

lickahottie OMG! You’re sick!

justapix3l I’m just kidding

lickahottie oh

justapix3l It’s actually Thursday when I do that

(pause)

lickahottie …

justapix3l those dots are turning me on

lickahottie what dots

justapix3 “lickahottie …”

lickahottie why are you trying to wierd me out

justapix3l I’m really not

lickahottie so can we chat for real?

justapix3l yes, where were we?

lickahottie You were telling me what you were wearing

justapix3l Ah yes, I’m a tshirt and jeans kinda guy

lickahottie what do you look like?

justapix3l Picture a cross between Ray Greanfelch, Peter Yeierlin, Zeitrech Fritzlip, and Todd Burlyrog

lickahottie I don’t know who those people are

justapix3l Well you don’t know who I am, either. So what difference does it make?

lickahottie I want to know what you look like is all?

justapix3l I CAN tell you this, I’m a hot little potato

lickahottie really? I’m a cheerleader

justapix3l Why doesn’t that surprise me?

lickahottie what do you mean?

justapix3l I suppose you’ve done some modeling as well?

lickahottie Not really. My friends say I should, though.

justapix3l Send me your picture and I’ll give you an honest critique.

lickahottie I don’t have a picture.

justapix3l You mean you’ve gone your whole life without ever being photographed? What are you, a yeti?

lickahottie What’s a yeti?

justapix3l nevermind

lickahottie If you send me a photo of you, I’ll send you my picture.

justapix3l I thought you said you didn’t have one. Your web of lies is ensnaring this conversation, lickahottie.

lickahottie I didn’t lie

justapix3l lickahottie: I don’t have a picture    lickahottie: If you send me a photo of you, I’ll send you my picture.

justapix3l Sounds to me like a fabrication the likes I’ve never seen.

lickahottie Yes, well do you want to trade or no?

justapix3l I’m not sure I’d feel comfortable engaging in an exchange with a confirmed liar.

lickahottie fine…

justapix3l ok

lickahottie ok what?

justapix3l let’s trade?

lickahottie send me your pic

justapix3l you first

lickahottie ok

*sends pic*

justapix3l This isn’t you

lickahottie yes it is!

justapix3l I can tell it isn’t

lickahottie how?

justapix3l I can just tell.

lickahottie You can’t prove that it’s not me

justapix3l You can’t prove that it is. There is only one liar in this conversation, and I’m afraid it’s you.

lickahottie I swear that’s me.

justapix3l ok. I’ll “believe” you. First off, your bangs are too short and your eyebrows are too high up on your forehead. You look like someone who is perpetually surprised. But your body is redeemable for bonus points.

lickahottie Thanks. Let’s see your pic

justapix3l Nah, I’m not sending mine.

lickahottie ????????

lickahottie You said you’d trade.

justapix3l Well I lied. Now we are even.

lickahottie Fuck off!

justapix3l woa woa woa. Look, this conversation took a turn for the worst. Let’s start over.

lickahottie ?

justapix3l You said you’re a cheerleader, correct?

lickahottie Yes

justapix3l So is it true what they say about cheerleaders?

lickahottie That we are hot?

justapix3l That you are members of a cult that worships the pyramids?

lickahottie hmmmmmm, no

justapix3l that’s too bad. Pyramids are a huge turn on.

lickahottie I’m the top in our pyramid.

justapix3l So you like it on top?

lickahottie heh heh, yes. I guess

justapix3l You guess? This is no time to be indecisive. I need punctual, clean cut information if I’m going to successfully chat with you.

lickahottie Yes. I like it on top. But I prefer doggystyle.

justapix3l Doggystyle? I thought we were talking about pyramids for gods sake. What would the neighbors say?

lickahottie I don’t have any neighbors

justapix3l oh?

lickahottie no

justapix3l That’s amazingly interesting. Please tell me more about your surrounding environment while I feign interest.

lickahottie What do you mean?

justapix3l nevermind

lickahottie So what do you look like, for real?

justapix3l Do you expect me to be honest?

lickahottie ???

justapix3l It would be easier for you to picture in your mind the ideal male and simply assume that is what I look like, since what I type here holds about as much truth as that image. Plus it will save me the typing.

lickahottie okay

(long pause)

lickahottie do you still want to talk?

justapix3l I actually never did in the first place. You IMed me.

lickahottie Why are you being mean to me? What did I do to you?

justapix3l Nothing. I’m being interesting. If I had engaged in a normal conversation with you, you wouldn’t have a story to tell your grandkids about in years to come.

lickahottie I won’t be telling my grandkids about this conversation.

justapix3l Why not? Are you ashamed?

lickahottie I don’t want my grandkids knowing I do cybersex!!!

justapix3l Who’s having cybersex? I’m fully clothed. You mean to tell me you’ve been talking to me this whole time trying to get yourself off? I’m outraged!

justapix3l I’m curious… How did you even get my username?

*Lickahottie has logged off*