Sandman is wicked retahded

For some reason unbeknownst to me, I’m having crazy ass dreams that are so vivid that I sometimes freak out when I wake up thinking that I’m ACTUALLY piloting a paper airplane into space with a anti-rape dummy as my co-pilot. When I look around and realize that I’m still in coolsville and all is well, I regain my composure.

But reflecting on my dreamstate is sometimes hard to do. I’ll wake up and think, “Oh man, that was one crazy ride!” and try to remember to tell someone about it. But the dreams disappear from my mind like roaches when the lights turn on. So in an effort to preserve them, I’m going to record them here as I remember them. So hold on tight you sons of guns.

Tonight’s dream was a pinnacle of weird. It started out with some crazy party that I went to with my girlfriend. When we got there, there was this girl who kept hitting on my like whoa. I’m trying to tell this girl to chill, but she starts in with the “I love you and I don’t care what she thinks!” I keep telling her to STFU cause she’s creating a scene. My girlfriend hears what’s going down and gets mad at me. She figures I’m cheating on her with this crazy chick and starts hitting on my brother! All of a sudden, the party becomes a family reunion at my grandma’s house and the crazy chick is my cousin! So that makes it even weirder! I decide this party is getting too crazy, so I jump on the internet and book two tickets to a vacation hotspot (one for me and one my the girlfriend).

I look around to tell my girlfriend that we need to leave to catch our flight that is leaving in a few minutes, only I can’t find her anywhere. Come to think of it, I can’t find my BROTHER either! WTF!? So I’m starting to get pissed. I call her phone and it goes to her voicemail. I leave her a message to call me back because I got us two tickets to paradise (I actually said this in my dream. LOL!) and we need to leave right away. About a half hour goes by and still no call back from her. I try her cell again and it kicks over to voicemail. I try again right after than and it rings about 15 times and someone finally answers. It’s a dude trying to sound like my girlfriend. When I ask him, “Wtf? Where’s (girlfriend’s name)?” The dude starts laughing and there are people in the background laughing, too. One of them sounded like my girlfriend. :’(

So now I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself. I walk over to the airport (which is right next door) and board the plane. The plane is actually just a school bus with wings. I sit in the front right seat. The driver/pilot was an old schoolbus driver from grade school and she was receiving instructions from my grandfather (who is dead). I thought to myself, why is she getting lessons NOW? Shouldn’t she already know how to fly? Regardless, she starts to take off. My grandfather tells her to increase flaps to 100%, which she does. But then she immediately decreases the flaps as we are taking off. The plane begins to level off and we are only 50 feet above the ground!

Oddly, I’m as cool as a cucumber. I look around and everyone is freaking out except for the dude behind me. I reached up and gave him a high five, but he grabbed my hand and held it. I pulled my hand away from him and looked out the front window and see a building approaching. The pilot banks hard right, but the building clips the wing of the plane. Now we are crashing through buildings going sideways. I’m thinking to myself, it’s a good thing (girlfriend’s name) missed the flight cause we are dead for sure! We smash through one last building and I go tumbling out of the plane. I grab my things and get on board another bus/plane. This time, I take the pilot seat. I familiarize myself with the plane’s controls, then begin to taxi to our runway. As I approach the runway, a voice comes over the speakers and says, “Please put the plane in neutral, deactivate brake, and release the steering wheel.” I look down at the tires and there is a moving walkway that grabbed the tires like we were entering a car wash. I’m thinking, cool, cause I’m not that good at taxiing anyway.

The speaker on board tell me that we are cleared for takeoff. I increase throttle to 75 and flaps to 100%. As we approached 75mph, I increased the throttle to 100% and pulled back on the yoke. We floated up into the sky. I asked someone behind me if they knew how to raise the landing gear and they reached up and took care of it. When we got high enough, I raised the flaps, leveled off, and stood up. I told the people on board, “THAT’S how you take off.” and I jumped out the door!

I woke up immediately after.