Things that are awkward

• When you’re using the pisser and someone’s in the stall. You here them flush the toilet and start to exit the stall, so you quickly finish up and run out the door before you have to make eye contact with the guy in case he’s a co-worker.
• When you’re walking down the sidewalk behind someone and they’re going really slow, but your door is right ahead so you don’t want to pass the person and then stop in front of them right away. So you walk slowly behind them, all the while knowing that the hand in their pocket is unlocking a can of mace. You want to say, “It’s ok. I’m not a weirdo.”, but that alone ispretty fucking weird.
• When you see someone you know and want to say hi to and they see you, but you’re far apart. So you have to do that walking quickly toward each other while grinning like an idiot with your arms stiff and ready to shake hands.
• When you’re on an elevator and you step forward to get off the elevator, but you do it too soon and you”re standing there in front of the doors that aren’t opening.
• When you’re walking down the sidewalk and you realize you’re going the wrong way, so you pretend to turn around and see someone you know just in case someone is watching you and thinks you’re lost.
• When you’re talking to a client, business partner, someone important and there’s an echo in the phone. You can’t form a proper sentence and you end up sounding like a four year old.
• When the person in front of you in line is taking forever, so you do the “turn around and roll your eyes to everyone behind you” to let them know that it’s not you that’s holding up the line and you are just as steamed as them. But no one reciprocates the eye roll, making you look like the asshole.
• When you use the handicap stall because you like the roomy space and bars for gripping if it’s a doozy and the only handicapped guy on the floor comes in before you’ve had a chance to take care of business. They ask “are you going to be long” knowing full well you’re not handicapped. So now you’re having to rush yourself while some poor chairbound guy waits outside listening to you and then meet their shameful stare when you exit after fouling the atmosphere.